Religion

What It Feels Like to Debate a Christian

See how you like it.

Christians: please read this. You need to know what you sound like to other people. You need to know what it feels like to talk to you about your faith.

First, try to understand us. Most atheists don’t think they can disprove Yahweh or Zeus or the Invisible Pink Unicorn, they just don’t think there’s any better reason to think Yahweh exists than there is to think that Zeus exists.

And it isn’t our duty to disprove your claim. If I told you there was an Invisible Pink Unicorn hiding in another galaxy, it wouldn’t be your duty to search the whole universe and prove me wrong. It would be my duty to give you some reason to think the Invisible Pink Unicorn existed.

Now, let’s switch places for a moment. Let’s say I believe in the Invisible Pink Unicorn (hereafter, Pinkie). Not only that, but 200 million other Americans believe in Pinkie, too. We elect politicians who pray to Pinkie. We think Pinkie told us that women over 40 shouldn’t marry, and that oral sex is always wrong. We get politicians to pass laws prohibiting these things.

We believe Pinkie created the universe. We teach this to our children, and tell them evolution and geology are wrong. We fight to get Pinkie Creationism taught in public schools.

Obviously, you’re upset at us Pinkie-believers. So you try to show us that there are no good reasons to think that Pinkie really exists.

Our conversation might go something like this:

You: Why do you think Pinkie exists?

Me: Well, I’ve experienced her. I’ve talked to her. I know her.

You: You’ve experienced her . . . physically? Like, you’ve seen her or touched her?

Me: Well, no, but it’s very real.

You: So your experiences of Pinkie happen only within your own mind? What about people who “experience” and “know” Allah? Does that mean Allah exists?

Me: No, but I know that I know that I know that Pinkie exists. Everyone else is deluded.

You: [Sigh.] Well, do you have any other reasons to think that Pinkie exists?

Me: Oh yes, of course! She answers my prayers.

You: All the time? She does whatever you want?

Me: Well, no. Lots of times she doesn’t answer my prayers. She has her reasons, but of course they are mysterious to us finite humans.

You: So some of the time she answers your prayers, but most of the time she doesn’t? How is that different from random chance and the power of positive expectation?

Me: Well, I just know it’s her.

You: [Sigh.] Um, any other reasons to believe in Pinkie?

Me: I’ve seen her perform miracles!

You: Really?

Me: Oh yes. One time I prayed for my brother and he got better even though the doctors said he had no chance. And I’ve heard of more spectacular things, too.

You: Don’t people just get better sometimes, and we don’t know why? Why do you think Pinkie did it? And what about miracles from other religions? What about the miracles and spectacles of witchdoctors, Muslim priests, pagan mystics, and others?

Me: Well, those are demons at work. They are using the powers of evil spirits.

You: But why do you think your miracles are from Pinkie, and everyone else’s miracles are from demons?

Me: Well, I just know, because I know Pinkie.

You: [Sigh.] Any other reasons to believe in Pinkie?

Me: You know, I just have faith.

You: Faith? Doesn’t that just mean “I choose to believe something?” How is that evidence?

Me: No, it’s not just a choice. It’s spiritual vision. I have the gift, and it means I can see things you can’t. Or maybe you just haven’t opened up your heart to Pinkie.

You: What about the sincere faith of Muslims, animists, Hindus, and others?

Me: Well, they’re all deluded. I know that Pinkie exists, and their spiritual vision is flawed. I hope they can see the truth one day.

You: [Sigh.] Any other reasons to believe in Pinkie?

Me: Think about the beginning of the universe. It couldn’t just come from nothing. It had to be created. Pinkie created it.

You: So the universe couldn’t come from nothing, but Pinkie could?

Me: Well yes, that’s how we define Pinkie. Pinkie is eternal.

You: Do you have any evidence that Pinkie is eternal?

Me: Well, he told us so in his book. And everybody knows Pinkie is eternal.

You: That doesn’t make sense. You can’t just define something into existence. I could make up a god right now called Blargh and say, “Blargh is eternal. Since everything else has a cause, Blargh must have been the cause of everything else.” That’s ridiculous.

Me: No it’s not . . .

And so I would continue, in and endless circle of anti-reasoning.

Is it any wonder that atheists get angry sometimes? Our anger is healthy and vital when used correctly.

Christians, please listen to yourself when you talk about God.